Christmas Aches
by Chihuahua
Summary: Christmas cheer revives some painful realisations...


Author : Chihuahua  
  
Date : 9th December 2001  
  
Disclaimer : I do not own any of the TRA: JQ characters, therefore I am not making any cash out of this fic. All unrelated characters belong to me. Kindly ask for my permission before using them.  
  
Category : Family, Angst  
  
Rating : G  
  
Archiver's Permission: Granted to those who want it, just let me know where it can be found.  
  
CHRISTMAS ACHES  
  
So beautiful. So absolutely beautiful, I thought. Indeed, the panorama before me was simply breathtaking. I pressed my warm cheek onto the cold glass, feeling the heat spreading on the glass. I continued to stare blankly out at the snow-covered landscape.  
  
It was amazing how something as brutal as a typical Maine winter could appear so serene. I took in every detail, how the snow looked like sifted sugar on the evergreens, how the moon's silvery beam enveloped everything, giving it all an almost ghostly appearance.  
  
What a contrast it was to the inside. Everything was so earth-bound! Dark teak panels gave the room an earthy feel to it, while the heating provided comfortable warmth. The air was saturated with delicious scents from the kitchen.  
  
I could distinctly differentiate Mrs. Evans ginger cookies, freshly baked and cooling. The thought of the dinner to come brought dread to me. It was going to be another joyous affair, with everyone laughing and celebrating. And I would have to go along with it all, smile, laugh and talk.  
  
It all seemed so unreal to me. I wondered if she celebrated Christmas where she was. I wondered if she was warm and comfortable. I wondered.  
  
My thoughts were interrupted by knocking on my door.  
  
"Yeah?" I called, not budging from my position. I heard the door creak ajar.  
  
"Dinner's ready. Just letting you know," Jessie said, poking her head into my room.  
  
"Okay." I paused for a while. "I'll be there in just a sec."  
  
"Anything wrong, Jon?" I saw her reflection in the windowpane as she approached.  
  
"Everything's fine. Just felt a little cold," I lied. It was so easy. Of course that came with twelve years of practise. Twelve years.  
  
I turned around and smiled. Another practise-perfect move. "What's good?" I raised an eyebrow while straightening the collar of my turtleneck.  
  
"See for yourself. Hurry!" She trotted down the stairs, her heels clicking softly on the polished parquet.  
  
I sighed softly and braced myself for all the happiness. Dinner was as usual, predictable. I sipped my glass of Chateau Lafite contentedly. The turkey had been delicious, so had everything else. But I was somehow just not in the mood to binge.  
  
All I wanted was for the evening to go faster. So that I could get back to her.  
  
Mom. Mommy. Mama. God, it had been such a long time ago, that I couldn't even remember what I used to call her. I hardly had any memories intact. I looked around and saw all the happy faces.  
  
Jessie and Race, so close together, laughing. Jessie helping Race with a piece of turkey, and Race grumbling about how he had never been thought in the ways of fine dining. Moving down the table, I saw Mrs. Evans laughing heartily to one of my father's jokes. Her pleasant face was flushed from the warmth and wine.  
  
Then, I felt it. The familiar pang of mortal envy. Pops and Hadji. Father and son look-alikes. Both were now engaged in some conversation about how Quest World could be upgraded. It hurt so much. Of course I loved both my father and brother. That was a given, but it simply hurt to not belong.  
  
Maybe it was the wine, it was definitely of some potent batch, or maybe simply the warmth of the room, but I simply had to get out. I excused myself quietly, making some excuse about taking Bandit out for a walk. It was generally accepted, except for a scrutinising gaze that lasted a moment too long from Jessie.  
  
I led Bandit out into the woods, shivering slightly from the cold. My windbreaker was zipped all the way, but the warmth it provided just wasn't enough. The chill of alienation was still strong.  
  
"It's just you and me, boy," I said loudly, tugging Bandit's leash gently. "Just you and me." I repeated, softly this time.  
  
Bandit responded by a sharp bark and a quick lick on my hand. I smiled wanly. I reached down to scratch his head fondly.  
  
"You won't ever leave me, will you, Bandit?" I asked, my voice resounding with the earnestness I felt. "Not you too, right?"  
  
There was no reply, except for another bark. The wind seemed to blow harder. Delicate flakes of snow billowed around, sticking to my windbreaker. Bandit didn't seem to mind at all. He just stared dumbly at the falling flakes.  
  
"You won't leave me like Mommy, right?" My voice sounded frightened now, alien even to me. Tears streamed down my face, hot against my cold skin. "You're immortal, boy. Immortal."  
  
I wiped them away with my sleeve. It wasn't going to help if I turned all weepy now. The others would suspect that something wasn't right.  
  
"Come on, boy. Home, Bandit, home." I pulled gently on the leash. Bandit followed close to heel.  
  
THE END 


End file.
